December 19, 2010

The pick up line series.

"Hey miss, I think u dropped something"

"Really?"
"I dont think so"

"But yeah really, u dropped something"

"What?"

"Drop Dead Gorgeous" *smug*

Try, jika berkesan, ur most welcome.

kalau tak berkesan, mayb ur just too ugly.

well goodnight Malaysia.

December 17, 2010

Motron

video

sorry for the pink lips.

Make up artist I ni tak pandai make up.

October 24, 2010

Kokok

Haiwan apa yang paling hensem?!

Ayam!

(ayam : I am. get it).

such a bad joke. *punches self*

October 19, 2010

Mac Hines.

Laptop I memang dah jahanam. So I pun mula mencari laptop yang boleh di harap

Laptop yang cantik lagi berseri.

So I usha usha. I pun dah buat keputusan muktamad untuk membeli sebuah Mac.

So I pun telah ke kedai Mac dan mula mencari.

Semuanya RM 3K ke atas. I cuba buat perangai wanita wanita malaysia, I cuba minta murah.


"Aiyo bro, Barang Apple bagus ke?"

"Memang bagus, sebab tu dia mahal mahh, tapi berbaloi"

"Aiyo, mana saya mau cari barang barang apple yang murah sikit?".

"adaaaaa, you pergi sana", sambil menunjuk ke sini


Everyone's a lawyer, nowadays.

October 8, 2010

Accent in BM is essen, minyak wangi.

I was in KLCC for an ICT conference.

There were many foreign delegates who were there for the conference.
There were only two meeting rooms, all of of us had to wait.

I was waiting when this guy came to me and started a conversation.

"So where are you from?"

"Im from Bungalow"

"Oh, ok. Im from Apartment," I replied, hoping he'd at least smile.

He smiled and faked a laugh.

"hehe. but really, where are you from?"

"Bungalow"

"fine, where's your bungalow?"

"India"

The I looked as his tag. It says.

Daksha Maadhav,
Bangalore, India.

Well that made my day.

September 9, 2010

Eid.

Selamat Hari Raya everybody.

Remember, Eidulfitri is not a reason for you to overeat.

Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

oh that was a note self.

Eat whatever you want, for all I care.

huhuhuhuhu.

Selamat Hari Raya!

September 6, 2010

Lady gaga's a bm word.

Tahukah U oll, kita slalu cakap nama lady gaga.

But no one knows apa maksud lady gaga.

So, being the genius that I am, I decided to check it on google translate.

So I tried translating Lady gaga from Malay to English.

Why dont you guys give it a try.

Seriously. try.

here U go, google translate.


Update!
they've fixed the bug. :( -21st September 2010.

http://translate.google.com

August 23, 2010

tina's ex

My cousins came to visit us last weekend. They came in the afternoon and helped mom cook for iftar.

I have this really cute niece. She's so cute, one day she's gonna grow up and be like me, well, the female version.

She was hungry and wanted a big mac for lunch. So I took her to McD since everyone was busy, drive thru sajork.

"Uncle James (I donno why but she calls me uncle James. When I asked why, she said that I look like James Bond. True Story), uncle kenal tak ex Tina?"

ex tina? Tina's ex? Damn, do i even have a friend who goes by that name?

"I've no idea melissa. Who in the world is that? is Tina your friend?"

"No no no. she's a singer"

She? Tina's ex is a she? is she a lesbian?

"She sang the song genie in the bottle. I like that song. Do you have her cd? pasangla pleaseeeeee"

Christina Aguilera! Kejadah Xtina.

Sejak bila X tu berbunyi Chris?

Xtina = Christina.


ok stress.

I nak pergi minum Xanthemum tea.

Oh puasa.

Ok stress balik.

August 11, 2010

Alasan confirm berkesan 101.

1 of the alasan's yang walaupun doesnt make any sense, tetapi tiada orang akan question adalah:

"I'm pregnant"

Seriously.

Imagine. You can get away with anything, hanya dengan menggunakan alasan ini, walaupun anda tak pregnant pun sebenarnya.

Alasan ini paling mujarab di dalam situasi macam ni:

"Hey you've gained weight, cow makan apa? (eh typo, kau*)"

"I'm Pregnant"

so why go on a diet, girls?

***

Girls have it easy. They can get away with anything.

August 9, 2010

Flirting 101.

Pick up line percuma hari ini.

"Excuse me miss, the weather's kinda chilly today. I feel so cold and I need something Hot to hug right now. So can I please hug you?"

Cubalah dan tell me kalau anda berjaya.

July 28, 2010

News.

"You drive cepat skit please, I nak tengok news. I slalu miss news kat tv"

"damn, newspaper kan ada? and sejak bila U tgk news ni?"

"Newspaper lain, berita dia lain. Eh I memang slalu tengok news. Kita perlu tahu berita terbaru di Asia dan Dunia"

"Ish fine".

Tiba sahaja di rumah, kawan I rushing ke TV. Kami terlewat sedikit. News tu sudah pun start 5 minit yang lalu.

Tiba tiba kelihatan kelibat Dom dan Marion Caunter.

***

Tak kelakar kalau U suruh I rush sebab nak tgk E! News.

Seriously, tak kelakar.

July 3, 2010

Okay, mak.

"Mo, Mak nak cendol. Beli sebungkus please"

"Okay"

"Oh and you cousins are coming. Pergi la beli Goreng Pisang, Karipap, Samosa, Donut ke?"

"Kay Mak"

"Asal kurang ajar ni? Sapa ajar cakap ngan mak mcm ni? Pa, look at your son (Masa I dapat Anugerah Pelajar Terbaik, dia mengaku pula I anak dia). So rude, kurang hajar"

"What did I do?"

"Sejak bila pandai cakap kimak ngan mak ni?"

"Ma, I said Kay mak, as in, OKAY mak. Not Kemak. Ish!"

"oh. Ok lah. Jangan lupa beli cendol mak sekali ok? Sayang anak mak ni, ala busyuk busyuk"


Mana datang perkataan kimak ni? Tiada pun dalam Kamus Dewan?

July 1, 2010

Eavesdropping.

"Jacob, I rasa kita kena break up"

"why why? Ive given u everything, why are u leaving me?"

"Memang la awak lagi hot dari Edward, lagi cute, badan awak memang sedap, awak pakai seluar je slalu. Memang awak la kegilaan remaja zaman sekarang. Tapi I malas. Sangat malas. And I've had enough!"

"Ni mesti sebab Edward kan?"

"This has nothing to do with Edward. I bukan macam Bella, terjun masuk air nampak Edward, naik basikal nampak Edward. Ish Bella, get a life."

"Then tell me, why are u dumping me? I came to Malaysia just for you! I terpaksa belajar bahasa Malaysia untuk you. I tinggalkan College I kat America, Masuk UiTM ni untuk you! *Woof Woof*"

"Ha, asal marah je jadi anjing, asal marah je jadi anjing. Sebab ni la aku nak break up dengan kau. Marah je jadi anjing. Aku yang susah, asyik nak kena samak 2103492041208321941023021930129 kali. Tak kuasa Mak".

Lalu gadis itu membaling frisbee dan Jacob yang lurus terus mengejar frisbee itu dan itulah kali terakhir Jacob dapat berjumpa dengan kekasih hatinya.


Lalu Jacob Black menangis dan pulang ke America keesokan harinya.

Pick a Choo?



"I want nobody nobody but Choo"

"I want nobody nobody but Choo"

Who the hell is this Choo guy? He's a lucky man. Seriously.

Goodnight San Diego!

June 26, 2010

Insectify.

Semalam I dengan budak budak kelas I telah ke sebuah Lab di Jalan Semantan untuk melawat sambil belajar. Lab dia cantik, macam museum museum di US. ah gittew.

On the way naik bus UiTM, I happy, kerana teman wanita I juga turut hadir untuk mengexperience this once in a lifetime adventure.

Sampai sampai, kami di ceramahkan oleh orang lab itu tentang history lab itu, dan motif and objective nya.

I suka mengambil gambar, I membawa Nikon D12 I untuk mengambil gambar di situ, kerana lagipun I seorang member dari sidang redaksi faculty Mass Communications.

Kami tiba dia sebuah lab di mana mereka menjalankan experiment dan ujian ke atas Insects. Sibuk I mengambil gambar teman wanita I, I di gigit labah labah mutant berwarna biru dan merah. I rasa gatal tetapi tidak memberitahu siapa siapa.

Balik ke rumah, I pening. Pening lalat. Pening gila babi nak mampos. I sampai sampai dalam bilik, terus jatuh atas katil lalu tertidor dibuai mimpi. I mimpi I pergi Sunway Lagoon. Bestnya!

Keesokan hari nya I bangun, I rasa fresh!

I cuba lompat setempat, I rasa ringan.
I cuba lari setempat, I rasa laju. I rasa seperti orang baru lalu berkata dengan kuat "terima kasih tummy trim, I like the new me".

I tengok cermin,
Wah badan I berketul!

Berketul besar di tempat gigitan labah labah itu.

Lalu I ke klinik.



Spiderman tak wujud. Get over it.

June 19, 2010

If less is more, is mo a lesbian?

Dari kecil lagi daddy I dah train I untuk hidup dalam keadaan yang minimalis. Masa di sekolah orang lain makan chicken chop, I makan karipap. Bila I beritahu dia, jawapannya sama sahaja setiap kali "its ok, less is more. Nanti dah besar u'll understand".

Teenage days I dihabiskan dengan kata kata nasihat "less is more"

Paling I ingat adalah pada hari raya pabila dia memberi I RM 1 dan berkata less is more.

Kedekut tahi hidung masin.

Jadi mengapa "less is more" tidak boleh diaplikasilan di dalam results academic.


"Pa, my cgpa dropped a lil bit. Chill la, less is more mahhh"

"Yea, so is ur allowance next month"

Happy father's day.

May 16, 2010

Baju.

One Utama, 3.30 pm.

"So ko nak pergi mana ni?"

"ko turned on?"

"Turn on? Why would I be turned on? kau turned on ke?

"Cotton On, as in On Kapas"

"oh! habaq la awai awai"

Mungkin kini tiba masanya kita stop pronounce kau sebagai "ko".

***

Kopi aku tak sedap, Kopi sapa sedap?

Kopi ko.

Lame.

GOODNIGHT MALAYSIA.

May 8, 2010

Happy Mother's Day.

I bought 5 kg of sugar for my mother as a mother's day gift.

"Gula? you know that mama makan equal sahaja kan? Plus, what am I gonna do wit 5 kg of sugar?"

"Well, I want you to be my sugar mommy. not equal mommy."

"Anak derhaka".

Happy Mother's Day, Sugar Mommies!

April 19, 2010

You are what you eat.

Membaca "You are what you eat" di sebuah majalah.

Otak I berbincang sesama sendiri.

"Aku suka makan otak-otak, tapi aku masih bodoh"

"A ah, betul kau ni bodoh"

"ah gittew"

Konflik dalaman

April 10, 2010

kenapa I takkan menang the amazing race.

Audition untuk the Amazing Race Asia baru berlangsong dan obviously I tak dapat.

"you're too zach, we're looking for someone like Lautner"

yeah yeah go ahead and discriminate.

and so, I terfikir, kenapa I takkan menang the amazing race asia.

1) Ala, tak nak miss Bawang putih Bawang merah.

Orang pergi berlari, racing sana sini. I tidak, I'd rather stay at home and watch Bawang putih bawang merah. Kalau I ada kat europe, I akan cari cybercafe yang terdekat untuk menonton video streaming crita tersebut.

Pada waktu malam, sibuk orang cuba mencari stop seterusnya, jika terserempak kedai mamak, I akan stop untuk menonton Akademi Fantasi. Everyone's busy racing, I sibuk menangis kerana Johnny atau Zam terkeluar dari AF. Menuju Puncak Yo.

2) How much, I love you, rice* (di bawah ada explaination, in case u guys dont understand).

Kat mana I nak cari kedai jual nasi kat Switzerland ni Yo. Biasalah, I kan yang akan mati tu if tak makan nasi?

Last last bawa beras sekali.

Everyone's busy racing, I sibuk memasak nasi berbackground kan pergunungan elps.

Baru terasa seperti Jamie Oliver. no? A dream come true. awesomeness.
Hopefully kat europe atau other countries ada serve sambal belacan or tempoyak.

3) Bunyik banyak

Bila dapat sebuah task, I akan cakap "ISK, task apa ni? tak nak buatlah. Penatlah. Pointless la task ni". (azhar roslan, 2010).

then I pergi minum kopi kat espresso bar di Italy, hoping that the producers of the Amazing Race Asia terlupa yang I tak buat task tu lagi. That sounds like a plan.

4) Tak di sediakan moto rxz.

I akan kalah sbb moto rxz tak disediakan masa buat task. I paling hebat bila menunggang rxz. Superman, Spiderman, semua I boleh

5) Ala, confirm tak leh punya. Tak payah la. Tido lagi baik

Ye la, ada ke task suruh I cari Ayam kat Venice? Apa ke gila tu? memang tak kan jumpa la kan. So tak yah la. Biar je lah dorang pergi. Lagi pun I takut nak cuba benda baru ni.


Ni adalah I. I cakap pasal diri I tau.

Next season I nak try lagi, tp first, I kena tukar mindset I.

aha.

* dari atas.



We'll miss you din!

GOODNIGHT MALAYSIA!

March 1, 2010

What can I say?



Tak ku pintak dilahirkan sebegini.

hahehaeheahaeh.

GOODNIGHT MALAYSIA!

February 14, 2010

Jauh di mata, dekat di hati.

Since sem baru dah start ni, I seldom see my dad.

So one day, I cuba jadi anak yang baik, yang ingatkan Ibu bapa kerana sesungguhnya, syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu.

So I called him.

"Hello?"

" Eh asal call ni? I'm still alive. Tak mati lagi ni"

nice.

Goodnight Malaysia!

February 11, 2010

hot hot heat. #2.

Adik I sampai, so I pun naik.

The weather was awesome, so adik2 I tak pasang penghawa dingin dan membuka tingkap kereta merasa breeze petang yang sejuk tp panas skit tak panas sangat tapi still panas lah.

I duduk di belakang, adik lelaki I teman adik perempuan yang yang memandu kereta.

"Pasang air-cond boleh tak?"

"ok" jawab adik lelaki I sambil sibuk mencari CD untuk di pasang ke radio.

CD di pasang. Penghawa dingin masih belum di pasang.

"Air-cond, please?"

"Jap lah" still bz mencari track di dalam CD itu.

I pun tunggu.

Music di mainkan.

"Damn you's a sexy beach, sexy beach"

I panas, dah la lagu mcm bongok.

"Panas weh, pasang air-cond boleh tak?"

"Ni kan Akon? Nak lagu yang manaa?"


I blame the Illuminati for this.

GOODNIGHT MALAYSIA!

February 2, 2010

hot hot heat.

2 days ago, I pergi jogging, cuba jadi lebih fit dari Zac Efron, supaya rupa I lain sedikit dari Zac Efron dan orang will stop calling me Zac Efron. Annoying tau tak?

Setelah habis jog sampai titik peluh pun dah tak boleh keluar, I called my sister. Asked her to pick me up.

Dia pun sampai.

Happy Ending.

GOODNIGHT MALAYSIA.

January 28, 2010

Emo Ti Kon.

Yes, I tau semua perempuan mahu kan U, tapi U tak perlu nak poyo ngan I. I lalu je U pun dan dan nak lalu. Bila I tak lalu, tak der pulak U nak sibuk sibuk jalan depan I. I tau la U ni kononnya jejaka fantasi setiap wanita. Tak perlu U nak poyo poyo.

I tau, orang kata u hot la apa la. tapi tak payah U nak poyo depan I. I duduk jauh dari U, tak kacau U pun. Tp bila I pandang U, U tengah pandang I. Pe hal weh?

Please Please Please, kamu jangan poyo la mat.

U main main rambut U smua. Rileks la Bro. I pun ada rambut kot, bukan U sorang je. U ingat U Zac Efron ke? I la Zac Efron. U tersenyum senyum kat I. U ingat I gay ke?


I sakit hati la. Dia ingat dia hot sangat? Terkinja kinja depan I, tersenyum senyum depan I.



Lalu I simpan cermin.

Lega.

Goodnight Malaysia.

January 20, 2010

Pick up line percuma hari ini.

"I love you"

"Why do you love me?"

"You're special, u're parents must be retarded"

-radzi inspired.

Goodnight Malaysia.

January 5, 2010

Pick up line percuma hari ini.

Saudari, you're cute like a tupai.*

Ada pepatah melayu yang berbunyi like this.

"Sepandai pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh cinta juga".

sweet? I know right?


*Sila katakan this sentence sambil menghulurkan bijirin atau kacang untuk mendapat impact yang lebih effective.


-tribute kepada nxsa.